My Trip To NYC aka Fung Wah Hell

Originally posted in Jan 2004

Ohhhhhhh...just where do I begin? I swear..I know ya'll think I make up some of this shyt..but it really does happen! This really IS my life! Okay.....so Friday evening, Derek drove Angie and I out to drop off Imani and then to the bus stop in Chinatown. They have a bus every hour to NY and it only costs 10.00 each way. We were attempting to get the 8:00 bus..of course, we ran a few minutes late...but after some tense moments..we did get our tickets and get on the bus. So...we left Boston around 8:30 p.m. or so. Now, right off the bat, we realize it's a bit nippy...okay, I'm lying..we were freezing our asses off..but we figured..gotta give the bus some warm up time.

Must have been sitting in the cold air a while..especially since Friday night was like the coldest day this year. But then...another rider asked the driver...*say dude..when are we getting some heat?* The driver says...*oh...this bus doesn't have any heat* Ummm....excuse me? I say very sweetly. Okay..that's another lie..I actually...*Fuck you mean the bus ain't got any heat???...I know this muthafucka betta GET some damn heat soon!* Sooooooooooo....we rode that damn bus....may I mention the name? Fung Wah....should be called "Fuck You cheap bastids who paid 10.00 to get to NY", but I digress. So..I am on the bus..Angie and I can no longer talk to each other because we now have our hoods tied as tightly around our heads as humanly possible and pretty much the only thing visible is our eyes.

I curled up into the fetal position and tried not to sob too loudly...although I don't think anyone noticed over the sounds that my chattering teeth were making. Angie and I have both agreed that I actually lost consciousness around an hour into the trip..I truly believe it did happen. Very disoriented, woke up as we pulled up to the bus stop in NY at 11:30. Yep...you heard me right....Speedy Fuggin Chung Wah or whatever his name was..got us to NY in 3 hours....I am glad I wasn't conscious to actually have to experience WHAT that drive was like.

So Angie and I attempt to remove ourselves from the bus..it' not easy with blue feet...but very gingerly..we made our way off the bus. Thinking there was a bus station for Anthony to come pick us up in..we started the walk around the corner....by this point..the 30 below zero temps and the fact that I was quickly losing consciousness again had Angie and I both pretty delirious. Ang very wisely hailed the first cab she saw and told him to take us to the hotel where Brandon was waiting. Ang called Anthony and told him to pick up my body from the hotel once he got off work.

So off we go in our NY yellow cab....aren't the faces of the pedestrians FUNNY when you race past them on the sidewalks?! GOD...one little hit and run and people wanna catch an attitude.

Anywhoooo.... We get to the hotel...looks straight outta the 30's. Brandon is happy to see everyone..I am damn near in tears because I can't make my teeth stop chattering. FINALLY...2 hours later..Anthony actually pulls himself to come pick me up :( He bundles me into his new truck and jacks up the heat. Meanwhile, I am still crying and asking him who he is, because I can't see through my delireum. We get back to his house and I got ready to go upstairs so I can just get in the heat. Nooooo..he has moved downstairs to the basement he renovated. Okay...we go in. I notice the living and dining rooms are a bit empty..but who am I to judge?

He shows me the apartment. They did a beautiful job on everything...the apt is empty but gorgeous. So, not caring about anything else..I throw on the warmest stuff I have...some sweats, tube socks and a t-shirt and Anthony tucks me into his very warm and comfy bed. It took until the next DAY for me to stop shaking..I swear to GOD. *I think my anemia must be acting up..I need some iron pills* I feel asleepa nd woke up the next day at 1:30, just as Anthony was getting ready for work. I get up and start noticing a few things.

Ummm....Anthony......why is your refrigerator completely empty? *You know I eat out all the time* Hmmm...but usually we keep at least SOMETHING in the fridge...his was so brand new, it still had the tags attached. It did have 5 bottles of water and some freeze pops, but that was it. So, I checked the cabinets..maybe I could cook something...nope..they are empty. Wouldn't have mattered anyway...since he never eats at home..Anthony hasn't bothered to even hook up his stove yet! Okay....no food...no stove....okay dokey. We'll just order something. Anthony explains his whirlpool bath to me and tells me to get comfy, take a bath, etc. He did go get me some chinese food...of course, without plates..it made for an intersting meal..but hey..I can be rugged. So he leaves.

I get nosy and start walking around the house....ummm....where's the computer?......and the phone? Okay...he has neither in the house...I'll just watch some tv, since he has cable. Ummm...10 minutes after he walked out the door...the satellite thingy goes down...no tv either! So, i'm sitting here at 3 inthe afternoon with absolutely nothing to do and noone to talk to until he returns at 2 a.m. I decide to take a whirlpool tub. Uh HUH...who in the HEYELL designed this nukkas bathroom?!! Everything is built for a man who is at least 7 feet tall! The bathroom sink comes up to my chest! I look at the tub...it is at least 5 feet high and as deep. AIN'T NO WAY I AM CLIMBING INTO THAT MUTHAFUGGA!!!!!! And even if I found a chair to get in it...how the hell do I get out?! No thanks..I'll just take a birdy bath. Ughh.....so I went to bed at 4 in the afternoon...woke up when he came back at 2:00...talked his ear off for a few and went back to sleep. I woke up the next day and it was time to go meet Ang and Brandon and start the trip home.

Anthony drove the city streets back to the hotel and I got to see all the city sights I have missed before. The Twin Towers site (RIP) was very sobering. Brandon, Ang and I went and had a great brunch at this little...little restaurant called The Shark Bar Restaurant on Amsterdam. It was delicious...but damn was it tiny! Then Brandon drove us back to our bus stop. Ang and I were worried about the bus trip home, but I had prepared..I wore pants underneath a full length skirt, a tank top, t-shirt and a sweater all underneath my coat. I had on my gloves and my hood. But Fuck You bus had redeemed itself...we had a gorgeous brand new bus with wonderful heat. Uh HUH...Now I spent the trip home sweating to death! Not only that,b ut Chung Wah's brother Slow Nah was driving this time...it took us close to 5 hours to get home!

And THAT my friends was my trip to NY in a nutshell. Until the next time.....