Bedroom Blunders...I Can't Be The ONLY One

Originally Posted 05/23/2008

Bedroom Blunders...Not for the Youngins or Easily Embarrassed. That means YOU MOTHER!!!!!!
Category: Romance and Relationships


I'm just gonna copy and paste these from another site. But they are MY words. One of the fellas asked a question re: bedroom blunders and I answered...a few times. It appears that ya girl is not as smooth in the bedroom as she claims to be! Enjoy!!! Get out Mother!! You know you don't wanna read this! LOL

Blunder 1: The "Art" of Seduction..or not

A long long time ago, I had an idea to seduce my then man. I set the livingroom up like an island. Had comforters spread out like 4 deep, surrounded by candles, soft music playing, the whole 9. He's reclined on the comforters in his boxers. I sashay out in this bad ass lingerie Id gotten and some FIERCE *fukk me* stilettos. I tripped over the edge of the comforter and went down face first! He looks up with a perfectly straight face and says

*Next time, you might wanna skip the stilettos and rock a helmet*
:|

Blunder 2: Again, I attempt seduction.....

I have decided I am not a woman who can seduce..not with props. I had another time when I wanted to go for sexy and got these (now I know) cheap ass, (like a 2 count) tacky ass, ugly ass .. -->coloro:FF0000-->.. -->/coloro-->RED.. -->colorc-->.. -->/colorc--> satin sheets. I mean, years later..I know how tacky they are, but I was a youngin then. But anyway...I put them on the bed and waited for my man to come home. I wore some special stuff. He's in the room changing, so I try to act cute..run in the room, jump on the bed....slide across and slammed head first into the freakin wall. Gave my ass a cuncussion. Im all hurt and embarrassed and all he can say *WTF is you doinnn*.. -->IBF.ATTACHMENT_1102181-->


And finally...Blunder 3..A Not So Cool Moment

There was also the time that I "squirted" for the first time...we were in the middle of the act and I just felt this big ass GUSH! Old as my ass was..it had never happened before. He was a real big dude..like 6'6" and 290 and was always doing these off the wall positions. So, I thought he had just like burst my kidneys and Id peed on myself! I jumped up and was in tears like *OMG..umm* (too embarrassed to tell him Id peed) and trying to think of an excuse to go jump in the shower and change my sheets. And then this fool jumps up off the bed and starts pounding on his chest like his ass is King Kong or something like *Yeah...what WHAT!!!? What girl? Yeah...I made you do that shit!!!* All proud. So, I got mad and I start going off...*N-Word, you just broke my fu**in kidneys and you are proud!! WTF is wrong with you???*

He looked at me and I swear..his face was just like *is she serious???* And then he just started doing this "damn, she's pitiful" kinda chuckle. Then he told me what had happened. I had to go call one of my girls to make sure. LMAO. I felt like I was freakin 14 years old...dumb as hell. This was only like 2-3 years ago, lol