Two Years

Two years, 24 months,731 days and more hours that I can count.   Thats how long she has been gone.  And although I appreciate the wonderful people who say things like....*this will pass* *it gets easier with time* and my all time favorites (NOT) *GOD needed her* and *she's in a better place*...Guess what?  NO.  It didn't pass. It didn't get any easier.  NO, HE didnt need her as much as I do.  And NO,Shes not in a better place.  The best place was here with me and everyone else who loves her

I guess Im just in a really negative space right now.  Guess its a good thing Ive been scheduled an appointment with a therapist tomorrow morning.  As I get closer to June 13, that abyss that is usually in the background part of my brain...calling to me....telling me this just sucks...wanting to bring me down into its bottom...it becomes louder and louder.

So many of her friends and even her younger sister are having babies.  Including her boyfriend.  It makes me so happy for them.  But it makes me so sad for Aja.   She should have been able to experience that.  She should have been here to style Imani for her prom and do her hair and makeup.  She should be here to hound me to make her favorites..empenadas and potato salad.  She should be here to convince me to go out to Wet Willies and drink some slushies...

So if I seem outta sorts for the next few weeks, please dont take it personally.  Its 2 years.....24 months...and 731 days since my heart was shattered.