Surving the first week.
How, Why, NO and My Baby. I think those were the only words that I managed to get out for the first week. My life had totally collapsed. My baby was gone. A part of me died on June 13 at approximately 5:48am.
I couldn't understand, I WOULDN'T comprehend, I couldn't wrap my brain around the fact that my child was no longer here.
My memory of the first week is hazy. I was medicated for all of the first 2 months or so. I mean nonstop...24 hours a day. I thank Allah for that. I don't know if I would have ever made it thru that time period otherwise. But I will try to tell the story.
Immediately after the Coroner arrived to my house. One of my bosses and my friend/coworker showed up. Apparently, the police had tried to find me at work before trying my house. When th coroner showed up, I yelled for my niece Kia to get Imani out of the house..to go for a drive. I knew what I was about to hear, and I didnt want Imani to hear the details. Kia and her friend rushed Imani out of the house and drove away.
Thats when I get hazy. I remember calling my close friend and crying into the phone that I needed her. I remember my boss and coworker trying to console me, but I was past consolation. The coroner left and my friends started the first cycle of phone calls. The hardest calls in my life were to my son and mother. I still dont remember if I called Aja's father or someone else did. I don't remember much of anything after that.
My closest friends began showing up at that point. I know that within hours of my call, my mother, sister and niece were on the road to SC from Boston. My son and daughter Michelle would be flying in the next day. I was prescribed Ativan by the agency's Medical Director and someone picked it up, and I was kept on it around the clock.
I don't know when or how the media interview requests came in. I just recall them coming starting on Saturday. Or maybe it was Friday. I don't recall speaking, but apparently I did. In hindsight, looking at the interviews...I just appeared drugged. I don't remember how the funeral arrangements were made. Tiffany stepped in and helped coordinate all of that. I do know that the funeral home, Leevy's were so incredibly kind and I am forever indebted.
It was at that point, that I learned about the GoFundMe account that had been eatablished by my close friends. Again, I am forever indebted to the generosity and kindness of so many people. There were also fundraisers being planned by friends among the karaoke community in Columbia and Club 555 management.
Unfortunately, I truly don't remember much of this time. I know that my brother came down from Greenville, Imani's daddy came in from Boston and a friend of mine took it upon himself to have my car repaired and made drivable again.
What I do remember is crying. And screaming, and vomiting, and beginning to have the suicidal and self harming thoughts that would start to take over my life until I wound up being hospitalized in July. Not many people know about that dark period, but Ive decided to bring it forth in the 3rd blog.
