DV Survivor Stories - Introducing Denitrice

Introducing Denitrice....

My name is Denitrice. I am a single mother of 4 and a survivor of domestic violence. My abuse ended in June 2013 when he went to prison.

I met my abuser also my two kid's dad at his family's house party. I knew his brothers. I was with him ten years. The abuse didn't start until five years later. When it started I really didn't understand what was going on. I thought he was just going through something. I didn't stay for financial reasons. I always worked and took care of the bills and kids. He barely kept a job.

He first started controlling me. Questioning my whereabouts. Timing me. Not wanting me out or around family and friends. Basically staying in the house with the kids.. Then he started verbally abusing me. Which really took a toll on me. Those ugly words he dished out hurt. I still shed a tear or two. He would hurt my feelings so bad in front of his family. Some would step in others just watched. He then started pushing me around into things.

I stayed another five years after it started because I didn't want to move back home. I mean who as a adult with kids wants to live with family. So I toughed it out. My parents moved out their house and gave it to me. Meaning I had to live in Georgia which was cool. So I told him one day I'm moving back to Ga. He didn't like that. He started threatening me about leaving him. So I allowed him to come. That only lasted five days..

On a Saturday morning I left with the kids for awhile. I come back home to a house party with his family only. He was drinking and doing drugs. I knew the day wouldn't end good. Later on the family left he started arguing with my kids and friend. My sister came to get them. His son stayed and witnessed most of the beating that night. I PRAY for that child so much. That night I was beaten like a man. I passed out twice. I woke up and thought I was dreaming but it was so real. I did try and get away but I was too weak.

After four hours of abuse he finally stopped and went sleep. I passed out on the floor. Blood everywhere. My cat was licking my face that is what woke me up. He through my phone through the window. SO I couldn't call anyone. I crawled next door rang the door bell and passed out. When i woke up I was in an ambulance. He was still in the house along with his son. They took him immediately to jail with no bond.
During this altercation I did try and call the police but he took the phone before I could give them a address.

My kids was damaged behind this. My older two one being a girl really have trust issues with men. My son trust no one. They really have separation anxiety they hardly leave me alone. My two that's by him, my youngest is confused but lashes out at times. He loves his dad but knows what his dad has done. He had to have lots of counseling. My oldest by him hates him. I know its a strong word but its true. He has nothing to say or even look his way.

I have healed from some of my wounds. I do have visions of what happened. I have trauma to my back and never will heal from it. I do have several visible bruises. But I call them my war wounds. My goal and passion now is to speak and spread the word on domestic violence. One woman at a time. I thank you for giving me this chance to share.

And Now The Tests Become Testimony

My friend Tee and I have been bouncing this idea for some time now.  Speaking and writing HONESTLY about our trials.  And eventually writing a book.  There has been SO much pain..that sometimes ALL we can do is throw up our hands and say...EFF it God.  What else ya got for me man?   

So...this is my honesty.  My truth.  It's not pretty.  A lot of it is not public information and it may shock people.  You may even want to stop reading now.  That's just being real .  I'm not writing it to gain sympathy or to depress anyone.  It's to say..if I can weather these storms, YOU can also do this.  And if you need help, we will weather them together.   That being said....

June 13, 2014 my 23 year old daughter Aja Dawn Robinson was brutally murdered by her ex-boyfriend.  She was executed with a shot to her throat with a 45, and then he stood over her and shot her in the back of her head.  He then took his own life.  The grief was incredible.  And the after effects a little too much to bear.

I made a half assed attempt on my life  in July by driving into traffic and was hospitalized and received treatment .  My younger child  made an attempt on her life  in August.  She was also hospitalized and treated.  During this time, my 23 y/o's "twin" ( her best friend that I had taken in at age 14) returned to live with me, as she was having a difficult time coping with Aja's murder.   On Thanksgiving eve of 2014..you guessed it...she swallowed multiple  bottles of pills.  Thanksgiving of 2014 was spent in the ER while she  received an emergency psych eval and  treatment.

With time, we got stronger.  We are all actively working thru our grief and I have started a fb group and a small still forming non-profit called Angels for Aja.  We will provide domestic violence education, awareness and assistance to anyone who requests our help.  In addition, we plan to participate in community events and keep Aja's name alive through love and actions.

On May 15, 2015..Michelle had a severe asthma attack.  She lost her heartbeat and pulse and was brain dead for 28 minutes before they could revive her.  She was on life support in a coma from May 15 until mid July.  She is now home, but at just 24, she is confined to a wheelchair, unable to speak, use her arms or legs, is in diapers and totally dependent for personal care .  The outcome is not expected to change.

Again..we bounced back.  We take care of her and attend to her needs.  Last week on Thursday, I went to the E.R. because I was having a pretty severe asthma attack.  Unfortunately, they admitted me within minutes and I got devastating news.  I have heart failure.  I have been in the hospital ever since.  And have spent today doing some heavy praying and thinking.  I AM a fighter, but I also am practical.  I was not prepared for my child's death.  I will not leave my remaining  children unprepared.  I plan to create my living and after death arrangements and have already spoken to the people who I would like to care for my children.

I plan to make EVERY moment that I am here a testament to the memory of Aja Dawn.  And to the strength of Michelle, Imani, April, Fred, Char, DaShawna, Jauhara, Kia and Aaron.  My children by birth and the children who I've been blessed to love in my life.   We cannot allow ANYTHING to crush our spirit.  I keep telling people...I miss Aja and for a while, I really wanted to go and be with her.  But not yet.  I'm not done here.  I'm not going to give up, but when my time comes, I'm at peace, as long as my babies are okay.   So...this is my truth.  I'm grieving, a lil crazy at times, struggling to stay afloat, angry, disappointed, terrified, heartbroken.  And STRONG.  I have to be after all this shit.  

Please love and protect the people around you.  I had a long talk with Char last night...very long.  And had to tell her some things that I know she was not ready for.  But she's one of my oldest kids and whether she believes it or not...she is one of my STRONGEST kids.  She now has a role.  To carry on my "Big Mama" role with April.  They are to make sure that all of the children remain in contact, remain a support to each other, have monthly dinners if they live in the same area, etc.  April is another who does not know her own strength.  She will though.  I see it in her.  I see the "big mama" makings in my girls, and I love it.  And I love them.   More to come.  I promise.  My story is not over yet.

After The Headlines (What Happens Next)

Surving the first week.

How, Why, NO and My Baby.  I think those were the only words that I managed to get out for the first week.  My life had totally collapsed.  My baby was gone.  A part of me died on June 13 at approximately 5:48am. 

I couldn't understand, I WOULDN'T comprehend, I couldn't wrap my brain around the fact that my child was no longer here.

My memory of the first week is hazy.  I was medicated for all of the first 2 months or so.  I mean nonstop...24 hours a day.  I thank Allah for that.  I don't know if I would have ever made it thru that time period otherwise.  But I will try to tell the story. 

Immediately after the Coroner arrived to my house.  One of my bosses and my friend/coworker showed up.  Apparently,  the police had tried to find me at work before trying my house.  When th coroner showed up, I yelled for my niece Kia to get Imani out of the house..to go for a drive.  I knew what I was about to hear, and I didnt want Imani to hear the details.  Kia and her friend rushed  Imani out of the house and drove away.

Thats when I get hazy.  I remember calling my close friend and crying into the phone that I needed her.  I remember my boss and coworker trying to console me, but I was past consolation.  The coroner left and my friends started the first cycle of phone calls.  The hardest calls in my life were to my son and mother.  I still dont remember if I called Aja's father or someone else did.  I don't remember much of anything after that. 

My closest friends began showing up at that point.  I know that within hours of my call, my mother, sister and niece were on the road to SC from Boston.  My son and daughter Michelle would be flying in the next day.  I was prescribed Ativan by the agency's Medical Director and someone picked it up, and I was kept on it around the clock.

I don't know when or how the media interview requests came in.  I just recall them coming starting on Saturday.  Or maybe it was Friday.  I don't recall speaking, but apparently I did.  In hindsight, looking at the interviews...I just appeared drugged.  I don't remember how the funeral arrangements were made.  Tiffany stepped in and helped coordinate all of that.  I do know that the funeral home, Leevy's were so incredibly kind and I am forever indebted.

It was at that point, that I learned about the GoFundMe account that had been eatablished by my close friends.  Again, I am forever indebted to the generosity and kindness of so many people.  There were also fundraisers being planned by friends among the karaoke community in Columbia and Club 555 management.

Unfortunately, I truly don't remember much of this time.  I know that my brother came down from Greenville, Imani's daddy came in from Boston and a friend of mine took it upon himself to have my car repaired and made drivable again.

What I do remember is crying.  And screaming, and vomiting, and beginning to have the suicidal and  self harming thoughts that would start to take over my life until I wound up being hospitalized in July.  Not many people know about that dark period, but Ive decided to bring it forth in the 3rd blog.

After The Headlines (What Happens Next)

After The Headlines
What Happens Next

As you see..I have decided to take this blog in a new direction.  It's been a LONG few months since I last blogged.  Literally and figuratively.  I have been to the pits of hell and and slowly, very very slowly climbing my way back out.  I've been asked by numerous people to write a book about my family's recent trauma, but at this point, I just truly am not ready.  But I am ready...after a breakdown, hospitalization, some damn good crazy pills, some more long term hospitalization and intensive therapy and most importantly...acknowledgement and acceptance of the incredible pain, overwhelming grief, consuming confusion and just abundance of feelings that have been exposed...to begin to blog again.  The short term goal is to blog in themes surrounding the events and what has happened in the following months.  Hence...After The Headlines.   The long term goal is to eventually take the blogs and incorporate all of them into a book.  Whether I will self publish via kindle or go through large scale remains to be seen.  Anywho...I'm talking as though all of my readers know exactly what I'm talking about and some of you may not (I say this like I'm world wide, lol)  But I have to think big, right?  But I'm going to give everyone a little background.

My name is Lisa Robinson.  I'm the extremely proud birth mother to Aaron who is 27, Aja Dawn, who is 23 and Imani Ny'Jhea who is 15.  I am also the extremely proud mother of choice to Michelle, who is 23.  Aaron Lives in Massachusetts and the girls and I live in Columbia, South Carolina.  I know a lot of people may proclaim it and it may be true for all of them; but I can say from everything within in me...my children are the air that I breath.  They are my soul.  My reason for life.  My best friends, My joy, my smile, my laughter, my everything is good in the world reason.  When I question my role in this world, all I have to do is look at one of them,and I know that in the large scope of life...THEY are my role in life.  It was to give them life.

Which is why, at approximately 11:00 on Friday morning, June 13, 2014...when the Coroner for the City of Columbia, South Carolina knocked on my door and informed me that my beautiful, vivacious, full of life and spirit and overflowing with love for everyone that she touched baby girl Aja Dawn Robinson was laying dead on an autopsy gurney at Palmetto Richland Hospital...that the life that I'd lived for 46 years died and evaporated on the spot and I knew the Lisa that everyone had known would never be the same.  I collapsed, and truly...could not tell you much of anything that happened for the next 2-3 weeks due to being sedated much of the time.  But in the next blog, I am going to delve into surviving the next week.  Media interviews, a very full house filled with an abundance of loving friends and family, and incredibly kind funeral home who went above and beyond to support us, and man....when I tell you about my girls.....my girls here in Columbia but also Da Panel.  That's what I call them.  I don't have to name them.  We're sort of a secret Society.  And we like it like that.  But they were my legitimate lifeboats.  They kept my heat above water when I was not able to do it for myself.  When I was unable to emotionally stand and open my eyes....they seemed to read my mind, organized a huge fundraiser that ultimately paid a huge chunk of Aja's funeral and most of our bills for a few months, they also designed a beautiful logo and tshirt that they sold to raise money for our family (and that I actually need a few more of)  And my ladies here..Tiffany, Tee, Honey, Wisdohm, Chandra, Tonya, Vikki, Marla...they continued to check on me daily, made sure the girls and I had food to eat, went and filled prescriptions out of their own pocket, organized fundraisers, Damn near dragged me out of  my self isolation and made me come out to fundraisers to show my face, just so I wouldn't be by myself.

And Tee and Tiffany...my sistas in spirit, I swear.  These women are just such  kindred spirits to me.  There were times where I literally could not BREATH..could not function, bathe, BREATH...I truly truly wanted to hold my breath until I died.  And every time I opened my eyes.  They both would be sitting there quietly on either side of me.  Just letting me know that I WAS NOT ALONE.  Do you understand what a POWERFUL gift that is to someone who is on the verge of suicide??  I never even told them.  Or thanked them.  I will have to make sure to tell them to read this blog.  Tiffany and Tee...the two of you single handedly SAVED my life at least 4-5 times in June.  If you had not been here, I would not be here today.  Thank You.  I Love You.