You asked.....

So, it's been a week and folks are still asking me about my rahhhther ummm....short trip to Atlanta last week. So I figured I'd finally tell the story. I think the story is longer than the trip actaully was!

So, for the last few months, I've been rebuilding a friendship with someone who I'd been seeing briefly about a year ago (Malik). Nothing major..just working on the friendship, since we didn't exactly part as friends. Anyway....Malik has been dealing with some things and asked me to come to Atlanta for a few days as a friend...because that's what he needed. I'd like to think that I'm an okay friend (and I knew I could get some great ass in the process. WHAT??? That's what rebuilding with exes is for!!)...so okay. Its about a 4 hr drive to Atlanta, so I packed my bag and loaded it into the car, so that I could leave directly after work on Friday. And of course..there were like Tornado warnings and bad storms on Friday..of course. Friday after work, I battle the Columbia rush hour traffic...which may not sound bad, but is HORRIFIC on the highway...add in a storm and folks really lose their mind. Itw as about then that I realized I need new windshield wiper blades as well. But I was NOT to be deterred!!!! I sat in traffic, staring at my way too watery windshield and slowly inched my way toward Atlanta.

Slowly fast forward to Atlanta....very slowly. Now, backstory...only had about 2 hrs of sleep Thursday night, so I was good n tired all day at work. By the time I am on the highway to Atlanta, I am wiped OUT. Add to the fact that I just can't drive highway at night to begin with (NO night vision); yeah that sorta tells you that was a LONG drive for me. I FINALLY arrive at my destination. Malik is looking good and we go inside and sit down and start talking. I'm thinking cool....ole boy is looking rather delicious here...this weekend is gonna be GOOD!! And he starts telling me about everything that has been going on....and on....and on.....and on. He talked for an hour STRAIGHT...and because I was already wiped out...welp....that was like a dose of Nyquil, Sominex and Valiuum all rolled into one. I fell into a deep sleep that rivaled a coma. You keeping score?...that's still ZERO ass for Lisa. Slept straight through the night...no...seriously.

Next morning...it's about 8. Malik and I are sound asleep...I dunno what started waking me up...but I was slowly coming out of my comasleep...And I hear a sound....apparently Malik hears it too because he jumps up like he is on fire *WTF??!!* Andddddddddd....in walks who I later find out is an ex....using a key she'd stolen from him the previous week. Normally I'd hear that and say YEH RIGHT...but seeing as she actually admitted it while she was standing there and Malik kept screaming about *GET THE FU*K OUTTA MY HOUSE YOU CRAZY B**CH!!!* , I sorta believe that story. Anywayyyyyyyy....ole girl and Malik get into a screaming match..he's yelling at her to get out and never come back...she's screaming that she wasn't going anywhere, etc. Im sitting there watching this entire thing like it's not really happening...Errmm...awkward.

They are out in the living room and it is escalating badly by now, so I decide...hmm..lemme get dressed now...because if ole girl decides she wants to get froggy...I need some JUMP clothes on, not sleep clothes. While I'm getting dressed; Malik returns to the room *what the f*ck are you doing???* he says. *Umm...SCUSE??* because I'm not understanding the hostility toward ME. I said *Umm...I'm putting some clothes on* Now..I reiterate..I was just getting dressed in case ole girl decided to turn some aggression my way (she never did) Malik then starts screaming on ME *oh..what, you gonna leave now?? FINE!!! Fu** it...get the fu** on then!!!!!* And yanked my cellphone and charger out of the wall and throw them onto the bed and grabs my bag and throws that too.

As you can imagine...this did NOT go over very well with Lisa. I very calmly say *Umm Malik..it appears that you have some things going on that you may need to deal with here....and for whatever reason...you are getting funky with me...so I'm gonna leave* He cusses me out and storms out of the room. Next I hear some big crash...I look up and Malik has tried to PHYSICALLY put the ex out the front door...and failed (she is a BIIIIG girl) and they proceed to get into a physical altercation that rivals Tyson and Holyfield in the Pay Per View days. Finally, the brawl moves OUTSIDE and they storm off somewhere in her car. I'm still in the house, but I'm thinking *L...this would be a good time to make ya move* And I leave and get in my car. As I'm driving away, they are driving BACK and we pass each others cars...they are in the car brawling!!! That is ENTIRELY too much drama for ya girl L.

Sooooooo....I'm now pissed. My GPS is taking me on the scenic route back to the highway...all through Stone Mountain, which by the way is an awesomely pretty area. Before I get back on the highway, I say *lemme get something to eat and some coffee* The only place nearby is Waffle House. Anybody who knows me knows I cannot STAND Waffle House. But I try to keep it positive and I go in anyway. That was the coldest, nastiest food EVER...but the itty bitty little ass cups of coffee were good. I think I had about 16 of those. The entire time I am trying to force enough food past my lips to keep my blood sugar up, my phone is blowing UP. I mean, calls, texts...Malik is working hard. I ignore all calls and texts and make my way to the highway.....and home I came!

The End!!!! Aren't you glad you asked. Alla that and STILL no ass! I mean, I could have at least gotten some consolation booty!!