Transparency

I promised myself that in 2020, I would be transparent and focus on MY self care and removing the stigma of NEEDING self care.  

So....this week has been one of heightened anxiety and some low feelings for me.  A year ago tomorrow, I experienced something very traumatic that honestly shattered my sense of safety and left me feeling kind of emotionally and physically paralyzed for about 5-6 months.  

I'm better now, but didnt realize that something as small as the date coming up would evoke such panic and anxiety within.  I'll be being very kind to myself tomorrow.  Just probably doing some reading, listening to some soothing music and checking in with some people who nurture my soul.  And honestly...probably doing a little bit of crying and releasing some of the energy that needs to get out.  Thanks ya'll for loving me in all of my perfect imperfections 💜💜

It's Just One of Them Days

*its just one of them dayssssss*

I swear...its like the stars aligned and decided to throw me the double middle fingers this morning, lol 🖕🏽🖕🏽

Na'eem had a restless night next to me..hot as hell, tossing, sweating and then peeing me outta my bed.  Woke up running a fever of 103.1. 

Instantly get some motrin in him and run him a tepid bath while Imani tries to call the drs office and is put on hold.  While trying to cool Na'eem down in the tub, I feel a drip....drip....drip..on my back.  Look up.  Ceiling is leaking in 2 different places.  Not only that..but one whole section of the wall has bubbled up, so I dunno how long that leak was going.  Grab phone and call landlord to let him know.

Get Na'eem dressed in some warm pj's and under some blankets...Imani has now been on hold 20+ minutes...and gets disconnected.  Now I try calling....30 minutes on hold...still no answer.  Try calling back...repeat...30 minutes on hold...hang up.  Call the social worker to see if the phone lines are down..no answer, leave a message. 

Now it's going on 11.  Got the fever down some and he is sleeping.  

We were trying to have Na'eem seen this morning so that Imani could take him before she has to leave for work.  For once, she doesn't have to be at work until 4, so she could have gotten him to an appointment up until probably like 1.  But at this point, it's now 11...she wouldn't be able to get an appointment until at least 12:30-1.  So yeah....I'm frustrated.  And I'm hoping that Na'eem's fever doesnt spike again this evening or tonight while alone with both the babies.

Ughh...I'm tired.  Literally, this entire house has been since Christmas Day.  The babies have passed this virus back and forth between each other with no healthy time since Christmas, and I am just now getting over my health scare, and coming down with another cold.  FML.