2017 End of The Year Wrap Up

Well, where do I start?  2017 was filled with so many ups and downs, changes and movements.  I'll just spotlight the lows and highs for me.

Lowlights of the Year include:

Saying goodbye to Bentley (our dog) and Onyx, Kitten and Larry (our cats) when we moved back to Boston.  Our hearts truly ache for the losses, but it was the only option.  Thankfully, Onyx and Kitten (now Trouble) have been rehomed with my forever daughter Char, after spending time with cousin Keisha and then Aaron.  So we can still at least visit them and see pictures of them.

My health has taken a real hit this year.  With multiple hospitalizations and one stay in rehab.  At one point, I was in a wheelchair because I could not walk on my own.  It was scary and it's been frustrating, but I am still standing!  And I have great health care.  And for the first time in many years, I know WHAT is going on with my body and WHY.  And those were things that I did not know.

Housing.  Without going into too much detail, the gist of it is that moving to Boston left us homeless.  This has been a very painful year for me personally.  It's difficult to go from being a self sufficient, independent, grown ass 50 year old woman, to not knowing where my family would be laying our heads.  Although the move to Boston was necessary at the time...I've hated the move and miss the South very much.   At the end of the day, I  was much happier with housing choice in SC and think it would be a better place for the boys to grow up in.

Not working.  This is the first time in many years that I have not been able to work.  I've finally had to accept that due to my health issues; working full time or even part time is just not an option.  As someone who began working at 14, this has been very hard to accept personally.

Now, for the positives!

Highlights of the year include:

The birth of my second grandson, Na'eem Xavier on August 9.  He is such a laid back little dude, whose smile will melt your heart.

The constant growth and changes that my grandson, Bryson Timothy exhibits.  His little personality is so exuberant and loving,even though he seems to be entering the "terrible two's" a few months early.  He and Na'eem have healed my heart and spirit in so many ways.

Being back among my family and best friend in Boston and seeing them on a regular basis.  This alone has made the harder times more bearable.  I have truly missed them and there is such a difference when I can just jump on a bus/train to see the people I love, as opposed to driving for 17 hours!

Auditioning for and being accepted into the Oscar Mischeaux Theater Company.  I've been away from theater and singing for too long now.  When I lost Aja, it just felt like my life force had been stripped away and I no longer desired to perform.

Being back among world class doctors and health care. For both Bryson and myself.  Although this year has been one of my worst health wise, the care I have received and the timeliness that I've received it in has been first rate.  The same goes for Bryson and Na'eem.  The healthcare they receive is exemplary

Being allowed to start up a Boston Chapter of Parents of Murdered Children.  This was something I'd hoped to be able to do and there were many steps, but I accomplished my goal.  I look forward to growing the chapter and making connections in Boston so that the chapter can reach anyone who needs it.

Overall, it's been a year of change, growth, sadness and fear, but also of hope.  I have hope that 2018 will be another year of change.  Change for the better.

DV Survivor Stories - Introducing Denitrice

Introducing Denitrice....

My name is Denitrice. I am a single mother of 4 and a survivor of domestic violence. My abuse ended in June 2013 when he went to prison.

I met my abuser also my two kid's dad at his family's house party. I knew his brothers. I was with him ten years. The abuse didn't start until five years later. When it started I really didn't understand what was going on. I thought he was just going through something. I didn't stay for financial reasons. I always worked and took care of the bills and kids. He barely kept a job.

He first started controlling me. Questioning my whereabouts. Timing me. Not wanting me out or around family and friends. Basically staying in the house with the kids.. Then he started verbally abusing me. Which really took a toll on me. Those ugly words he dished out hurt. I still shed a tear or two. He would hurt my feelings so bad in front of his family. Some would step in others just watched. He then started pushing me around into things.

I stayed another five years after it started because I didn't want to move back home. I mean who as a adult with kids wants to live with family. So I toughed it out. My parents moved out their house and gave it to me. Meaning I had to live in Georgia which was cool. So I told him one day I'm moving back to Ga. He didn't like that. He started threatening me about leaving him. So I allowed him to come. That only lasted five days..

On a Saturday morning I left with the kids for awhile. I come back home to a house party with his family only. He was drinking and doing drugs. I knew the day wouldn't end good. Later on the family left he started arguing with my kids and friend. My sister came to get them. His son stayed and witnessed most of the beating that night. I PRAY for that child so much. That night I was beaten like a man. I passed out twice. I woke up and thought I was dreaming but it was so real. I did try and get away but I was too weak.

After four hours of abuse he finally stopped and went sleep. I passed out on the floor. Blood everywhere. My cat was licking my face that is what woke me up. He through my phone through the window. SO I couldn't call anyone. I crawled next door rang the door bell and passed out. When i woke up I was in an ambulance. He was still in the house along with his son. They took him immediately to jail with no bond.
During this altercation I did try and call the police but he took the phone before I could give them a address.

My kids was damaged behind this. My older two one being a girl really have trust issues with men. My son trust no one. They really have separation anxiety they hardly leave me alone. My two that's by him, my youngest is confused but lashes out at times. He loves his dad but knows what his dad has done. He had to have lots of counseling. My oldest by him hates him. I know its a strong word but its true. He has nothing to say or even look his way.

I have healed from some of my wounds. I do have visions of what happened. I have trauma to my back and never will heal from it. I do have several visible bruises. But I call them my war wounds. My goal and passion now is to speak and spread the word on domestic violence. One woman at a time. I thank you for giving me this chance to share.