Friday, February 18, 2011

Random Friday Bitching, Clarifications, Rants and Complaints

Its funny...I really AM a positive person. You'd never know with all of my bitchin and moaning..but ordinarily, I'm a very positive spirit. That being said...I have some things on my chest that I need to get off. And with my chest being as ample as it is..there's a lot that can sit there..it's starting to feel heavy. So, in no particular order....

*Just because I love and wear stilettos..that does NOT mean that I am a wanna be stripper (get dee fugg outta here with that..I'm fat, I'm lazy and these stilettos make my calves burn like fiyah! I am NOT dancing) Nor does it mean that I want to sex you with them on. You can cut up your own damn sheets and snag your own shit if ya wanna..

* Kim Kardashian and the rest of the K Klan..please go sit your asses down somewhere. You are being seen too often. Theres a word for that, but I'm having brain freeze right now. But it means that you need to stay out of the spotlight for a little while..make people actually WANT to see you everywhere again

*My adding you as a friend on any website does NOT equal my wanting to be intimate with you. PLEASE please please...Public Service Announcement..Lisa is not attracted to community property peenie. Fellas, being an internet ho really is not sexy. Even you undercover hoes whose game is a little tighter..

*Learn to read cues. If someone is not responding to your flirts, pokes, messages, repeated offers of a massage, texts, etc...THEY ARE NOT INTERESTED.

*Men and women really can be JUST FRIENDS. I see a few of you have missed that memo. But iffin I say you are only a friend..really..that translates into..You ain't gettin none..not now, not ever..not if I am drunk, doped up on muscle relaxers AND horny. There is something about you that has turned me off in the pit of my ovaries and it can never be reversed. Save yourself some wasted energy dude. Thatisall.

*if my vulgarity and frankness offends you...go tell somebody who cares. You're probably someone who doesn't know me well anyway; or else you'd know..good, bad or indifferent..this is ME

*If you are sick (evil side eyeing a few folks) please keep your freakin germs out of my air! Stand over me while I'm eating and cough one mo damn time and I am gonna jump up out of my chair and smush my steak into your germy ass face!!

* Verbal Diarrhea - If you are chattering to me non stop and I am not responding..please STFU (that's shut the f**k up for you challenged folk) *side eyed*

*People standing over me while I eat..period. Or staring at my food while I eat. I hope you are not waiting on an invite to share..Muhpuhffa, clearly I did not get this big from sharing!

*Getting offended when I call my child dim. Don't worry...she knows she is dim. And furthermore..she probably wouldn't even be aware enough to be offended her own damn self. Thats my baby, I adore her and she is beautiful as the day is long. But I do tell her not to aim too high. She might wanna marry an athlete or a rapper or something. Someone like Wocka Flocka..who won't challenge her thought process to much.

*calling me and you ain't got shit to say. I don't care if you are bored..I wasn't. It takes your slow ass 20 minutes to reply to a damn text...clearly, communication is not your strong suit.

Okay, my lunch hour is just about up now. Gotta go back and act like I'm working hard.