Originally Posted 10/07/2008
Soooooo...
As most of you know, I live in Sumter but commute to Columbia for work every day. And as most of you know..I have to leave my house at the UNGODLY hour of 5:00a.m. to catch the commuter bus into Columbia.
That in itself is enough to make you wanna scream...but oh noooooooo..this being MY life, you know there always has to be a story. let's take this morning, for example.
Sooooooooo...this morning, I leave the house at 5:00, throw on my zip up hoody and my jacket, because in my mind, the bats won't attack me if I can cover my arms and head. As usual...I walk in the middle of the street. Another one of my theories because we all know...if someone is gonna run out and attack me, they are gonna stop at that magical line in the middle of the road and not cross it, lol. So, all I gotta do is cross the street, right? RIGHT?
Anywho..Im speedwalking down the street. Ive tried to pretty much get my morning walk to a 7-10 minute timeframe. Not because I am trying to be healthy, but because my ass is SHOOK walking out there at 5 in the freakin morning!
Okay...I get past the first set of bats (I've figured out there are 2 main sets of bats that I have to look out for) Now Im on the one part of the street thats somewhat lit. I look up. There is this humungous, bobungous evil spawn of satan lookin dog about 75 feet in front of me. he was on the opposite side of the street than me. I swear, this muthafukka had to be a mix of like...rottweiler, pit bull, bull mastiff, wolf and wilderbeast or something. Now, other people may say he looked more like a chihuahua..but that muthamukka was BIG. Anyway, I swear, this bitch looked at me and went I stopped dead in my tracks and was weighing my options. I could cut down a side street, but then Id miss my bus. So I said, okay..lemme just cross the street. NO this fukka did not cross the street too.....I crossed to the other side...here he comes. I seriously think he was fukking with me. By then, Im just standing still in the middle of the street talking to myself *allright L..you just gotta walk past..if he runs at you...scream and run like a bitch. If all else fails..beat him with your purse cuz you gotta catch this bus* And then like magic...he ran off through a parking lot.
Okay *throwing my shoulders back* Time to soldier up....I walk about 20 feet and I look up. There is a man walking directly my way. *oh fukk...fukkfukkfukkfukkfukk* Now what? Okay, my old self defense classes always said to look them straight in the eye and say *WHAT DO YOU WANT???* So, I stomped forward with PURPOSE. I notice he is shuffling a little, but Im not falling for the okey doke..muhfukka wanna act crippled til he gets up on me and then he snatches my ass up. Nope...not happening to your girl L. Im watching him...he's looking at the ground....Im watching him....Im getting closer....Im watching him....closer......we are side by side.....I spin around and Im like *WHAT MAN, WHAT THE FUCK???!!!!* and I did some kinda freakin growl that I still don't where it came from like...*arrrrrrrr*
So umm yeah...turned out that he really was this crippled lil guy who also happened to be mentally disabled with something..it looked like Down Syndrome or something. an now I feel horrible for scaring his lil ass the way I did. Poor lil man jumped out of his skin and he was moving away from me faster than Id ever done in the morning. Now this poor man is gonna be telling people about the scary ass fat girl who is terrorizing handicapped people of Sumter. :(
I know you must think that was the end right? WRONG. Im walking ( mind you, this is all on 1 freaking street!!) Im walking...got like 5 minutes til my bus is due at 5:15. This big ass tractor trailer truck starts driving all slow next to me. Guy looking out the window at me. I glanced at him and kept it moving...he smiles and mouths something...I keep it moving..he keeps right next to me. I finally realize...this kneegrow thinks I am a hooker out here!!! Now granted, I realize I have sort of of a *crackhead hooker on the point* kinda walk. My friend Joyce has pointed it out to me. I swing my arms a lot. It's like, Ive worn stilettos for so long, that I instinctively walk like I'm wearing stilettos on a catwalk, even when I am in flats. So,a maybe I do sort of walk like a hooker on the stroll..but I wasn't. :( But he was not trying to take a hint. I finally had to turn around and be like *DUUUUUUUUDE, Im not a fukkin hooker!* And yes..I DID say DUDE...what? By then I was across the street from the station.
Jees...wonder what tomorrow will bring. Okay...that was my vent for Tuesday
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