I'm So Ashamed

Originally Posted 6/16/06

Yes, I will say it..I am ashamed of myself. :( Yesterday, I did something I swore I would never do in life. To me..it is simply unforgivable, unimaginable...unbelievable even. This was not something I would ordinarily do...but I dunno. Circumstances got the best of me. You can say I was unfairly influenced by my friend Cindy when we drove down to Maryland this weekend. For that..I blame Angie too...she could have guided me differently too. Okay...enough stalling....I will admit me evil doings, because that is the first step to acknowledgement and then acceptance..All I can do from here is to vow to never make the same mistake again. Yesterday......June 14, 2006....I (damn.....SMH..this is a big one)



I..



I....



Dammit...I WORE MOM JEANS!!!!!!!



FUGG IT..I SAID IT!! THAT'S RIGHT..I WORE SOME MOM JEANS GOTDAMMIT!

Allright, alright...calm down. I said this was gonna be big. I didn't mean to do it! During the ride down to MD, Cindy mentioned that she had a pair of jeans in the van for me. She didn't like the waist. Now..Cindy is a SHARP dresser..I mean, she always looks on point...so naturally, I assumed...these are gonna be some cute jeans. I admit..the idea of free clothes got the best of me. I glanced at them quickly..okay...color is cute....size is right,since Cindy and I are similarly sized. I didn't try them on, because I usually can fit anything in my size with no problems...except tops...the girls tend to need a lil extra room...but I digress. Anywhoooo....I get back to Boston Sunday night and drop the jeans into the chair in my room. Monday, I was taking it easy, so I never bothered to get dressed. Tuesday..same thing (no this is NOT a pattern), Wednesday morning..gotta rush to work...so I grab the first thing I saw...the unmentionable *whispering* momjeans. Now..the thing is..I didn't truly look at myself in a mirror on my way out the door. I threw the things on....*hmm..these are COMFY.* thought I. I mean..perfect length....nice and roomy....COMFY...a lil too comfy I thought suspiciously. I mean..even my booty had extra room. Now..I don't claim to have the badunkadunk of the millenium..but I am packing a bit back there, so normally, my jeans are like...huggin the booty. But I ran off to work. I got to Dudley Station and went to grab my mornng coffee. I'm looking at my reflection in the window because...well...that's what a diva like me does, and I thought..hmm...my profile looks odd...like..I dunno...I look old. Truly..I should have known when I was standing at the bus stop and this grandma complimented my nice looking jeans *GASP* I just figured..I'm a bad ass bitch...didn't think it could be because we were wearing the same clothes.

I get to work and rush off to the bathroom (do they put water pills in Dunkin Donuts coffee?) And I have to say..I was HORRIFIED at what I saw!! HORRIFIED. I had no idea..I swear to ya'll. I had NOOOOOO idea. I mean, maybe I should have. After all..the pockets WERE roomy enough for me to fit my house keys, work keys, money, atm car, cell phone and a donut in...but still...I didn't stop to think. I was so embarrassed. I am embarrassed to say this even now. I mean...I sat at my desk the whole day...too ashamed to be seen on the campus. After work..I slunk...slank....slinked...what they hell is the past tense of slink? Anyway..thats what I did...I ..whatever...off to the bus stop to go home and rip those jeans to shreds. The bus came along...but when I looked and saw it was crowded with cool looking people and the dreaded teenagers..I said UHUH..I ain't gettin on that bad boy. And you know my ass waited til a damn near empty bus came by....in the rain.

Now I am not gonna call out the place that makes these frikkin jeans..but they should be barred from ever putting jeans out there again. I mean...yes..they are comfy..and definitely you don't have to worry about your thongs showing..those bitches came up to my frikkin rib cage! Nor do you have to worry about bulging back pockets. The back pockets were the size of a postage stamp and started at the top of the jeans...NOT an attractive look on a big girl booty (big girls should only wear jeans with bigger than usual pockets that are placed low) But dayum..they were comfy! if you decide you want to buy a pair..I am sure you will find them....right next to the fanny packs and embroidered BINGO t-shirts with rhinestones.

The jeans have been shoved into the back of my closet...never to be seen again until I am handing them over to some MOM...a diva like me will stick to the uncomfortable jeans that I know and love..you know...the lift, zip, lay jeans. Don't act like you have never done the lip, zip and lay dammit. Once you have a few big ass babies, you know...when the jeans are tight enough that you have to LIFT the baby fat....ZIP the jeans real quick and then LAY your lil baby fat over the top...then you cover it all with an oversized shirt..or tuck your shirt in and then sort uf untuck around the bottom, so it camoflages the fat.

Pray for my redemption ya'll......