Lost Files - Poetry 2002 - 2004 Part 2

 Definitely had to do a Part 2:               

The Song

2002

 I stepped forward, onto the stage

Careful as ever, not to trip over the thick wires

I said hello to the Host, and positioned myself just left of him

Close enough to see his reactions, unsure still of my skills

 I grabbed my “lucky” microphone…the red one…always

I wasn’t sure if it really brings luck; but who am I to challenge?

The first notes of the song began

 As usual, it strikes a chord of panic within me

Will tonight be the night?

Will this be the night I mess it up?

Inhale…..Exhale

 Slowly, I opened my eyes

Closed them again as I began the first verse

I needed to mentally hear the words I was singing

Unsure of what sounds I was producing

I tentatively opened my eyes and scanned the faces in the room

 The were smiling!  A few were clapping

nodding and giving words of encouragement

Gradually, my voice became stronger

My smile became wider

My stance became freer

I began to feel the song

The rhythm…the Essence

Desperate

6/13/2007

 Sitting here thinking

Feeling my frustration growing

Growing strong with each passing hour

Each hour that you’re away

 Away from my heart

Away from my passion

Away from the love that I so desperately

Wish I could make you feel

 The love that forces itself upon me

Forces me to love you unconditionally

Forces me to love you from a place so deep within

That it physically hurts

 Can you feel..the way that my heartbeat seems to merge with yours?

Even when we are miles apart

The way that my soul opens up,

and feels the pain in your eyes

Knowing that if you were to cut

I would surely bleed

 You couldn’t possibly know…

You haven’t gotten there yet

To this place

This place where only my heart

Lays open and crying

Crying out in desperation

Desperate to be made whole again

Desperate to stop beating with yours

Desperate to stop feeling this pain

Desperate

To stop loving you

Playing With Dolls

2001

 Back when I used to play with Barbie Dolls

Playing house seemed so simple

I’d line up all my Barbies, and fill up the pink townhouse with pink and white furniture

The only decision I had to make was

Which outfit Barbie would wear that day

 I never had to worry about how to pay for Barbies clothes

Every Christmas or Birthday, at least 6 outfits would magically appear

I didn’t have to worry about a job

After all; Barbie could be anything:  Policewoman, Astronaut, Ballerina, Superstar, Teacher, a nurse or the President

 When Barbie said “YES” to Ken, everything was complete

I didn’t have to plan a wedding

I just pulled out “Bride Barbie” and “Groom Ken”  All set!

 There were no car notes to concern yourselves with, or loans to get co-signed

Mom just got Barbie that pretty pink sports car

Ken and Barbie could travel in the Deluxe  Motor Home for the summer

 Back when I used to play with dolls

Ken didn’t leave when baby Skipper came along

He didn’t have an affair with Barbie’s BFF Teresa

Ken never worried about keeping a job.  He had 8 professions to choose from

 Back when I used to play with dolls

There was no divorce

When the relationship began to fade

I could just place Ken and Barbie back on their shelf

There was no alimony to pay

No missed child support payments

 There was never a death in the Barbie world

If Barbie’s head or arm popped off; we knew a brother, sister, mom or cousin who could pop it back on, just like new

 I miss life with the dolls sometimes

I can’t help but to sit back and wish for the days when

Ken and Barbie were the only relationship I had to focus on

 

 

Lost Files - Poetry from 2002 through 2004 Part 1?

 So Yeah...Maybe this will be Part 1.  Depends on how many poems I squeeze into this blog, lol.  Today, I was organizing my bedroom desk and came across a treasure trove of old poetry in this old beat up little notebook.  I literally did not even remember even writing this stuff.  Some, I recognized a piece here or there..maybe a sentence.  But that was it.  But I thought I would share them on here.  So without further ado:            

Just Friends

Standing there looking so fine

6 foot 4 of chocolate sexiness

You stopped to say hello

And to chit chat about whatever came to mind

To be honest, I didn’t even hear most of what you said

I was too busy staring

Amazed by just how beautiful a man you are

Everything about you

From the bass in your voice

To the richness of your cocoa skin

The long curly lashes framing soft brown eyes

The same eyes that reveal all of your inner thoughts

 You stood there on that summer day

Delighting me with all of your sexiness on display

Scowling at the rest of the world

In that ig’nant Beantown boy way

And saving that sweet smile just for me

 I tried my hardest to play it off

And go along with the

“Just Friends” game

And said I’d see you around

 As I walked away with my man

I glanced back and smiled

Knowing I’d be back at your place later tonight

Home

2002

 I wasn’t surprised when you called me last night

Asking me to help you out of yet another jam

I wouldn’t have expected anything less

It’s been that way since we first met

                            You running away when you feel yourself getting too close

Trying to convince yourself that you need to be alone

Telling yourself that the streets are the only constant in your life

The streets would comfort you.  Keep you safe and warm, when nobody else would

                                        And then..as soon as the cold air came, the first tinge of pain

You did what you always do

You called and asked to come back home

 

My Chocolate Man

2001

 This is dedicated to my chocolate man

My sweet, brown satisfying man

I dreamed of you last night

I thought about that night we met

 You walked into the room

With that beautiful smile and confident walk

And all I could think about was, how you made me want to just…

 Made me want to:

Open my arms and welcome you home

Made me want to:

Open your heart and heal any hurt you’d ever felt

Made me want to:

Pull you close to me and dance a slow and sensual dance

Made me want to:

Lean in and deeply inhale your sweet essence

 Yet still, we pulled…we pushed each other away

and continued

To pull back together just as quickly

 We hurt each other. 

Calling each other all of the most vile names we could think of

But all along regretting

Regretting every bad word we said

 Hurting ourselves by hurting each other

Still refusing to admit that maybe..just maybe….

We are what we both know what we are…Soulmates

 I dreamed of you tonight Chocolate

I dreamed of your big brown eyes, soft lips, gentle caresses

strong will and loving heart

I dreamed of you tonight Chocolate

And I missed you