Ready To Love

     And yes, I DID sing that title just like India Arie.   But unlike India...ion think I am fully ready to love.  Maybe just ready to sing the song.  I feel like I SHOULD feel ready to love.  Like, maybe I should be at least willing to explore the options that are available.   But is that really fair to someone if I know in my heart that I am not going to be willing to give them 100% of myself?

       The last time I knew I was ready to love was when I was still in South Carolina and loving Marcus.  I absolutely loved him, inside and out.  Even after I broke up with him, it wasn't because I didn't love him; it was because I needed to love ME again, more than I was loving him at that time.   But once I was single, I actually realized that not only did I love me...but I actually loved my OWN company and spending time with me on my own terms and not needing to smile in someone's face or cater to their happiness (outside of these grandbabies or my family)

    So I figured I'd be single for about 6 months or so and then would be ready to get back to dating.  I've always enjoyed the dating game; or at the least the booty game, lol.  Hey, gotta keep it 100!  Well, that was August 06 2016 when we broke up.  We have just entered a New Year...January of 2021.  And I'm STILL single.  I did put my foot into the date game back in 2018 and went on a few dates with an incredibly nice man..but I knew it wasn't good of me to continue because it was unfair to him.  He wanted way more from me than I was willing to give at that point in my life.  And I'll be damned if I am still not in that same point in my life.  I just cannot seem to get out of my head.

    I'm sure the situation in 2019 did not help any.  That put a barrier up that would probably take 100000 sticks of dynamite to knock down and then some.  My trust level is in the toilet as far as men go.  And then 2020 brought Covid.  As horrible as it has been, Covid has been a wonderful excuse for me to just stay in the house and not accept any invitations to spend a single moment with a male, lol.  Every time a man approaches me, whether it be online or in person its like *WHOAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!  STRANGER DANGER!!!!!   COVIDDDDDDDDDD, STAY AWAYYYYYY!*  2021 is supposed to be my year of transition.  This is the year that I plan to work on myself, mentally, physically, spiritually...the whole nine.  The woman you see today, will be an ENTIRELY different woman that you will see at the start of 2022, that's all I can say.  There will be blogging, journaling, podcasting, I've joined a woman's group, I'm writing my book, I'm going to work on my poetry...I'm going to work on my writing and communication, period.  I feel like I need to fully expunge any negativity or garbage out of my spirit and just release it in order to be a better me going forward.  So get ready 2021!  LOL...alright.  Let me get out here and spend a few dollars....this lil ass stimulus check...I need to pay on these credit cards, but I also want to buy a couple of things for the candle biz.  Get us some extra supplies.